“If you don’t know who it is, it is probably you” – Duff Movie
So, I was watching this movie, “duff” (Designated Ugly Fat Friend) sometime ago and it got me thinking…. More often than not, we have either been or had the tendency of been the duff in our relationships or friendships. Now, it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be fat or ugly.
It just means you are the “go-to” person that others become friends with, not because they like you, but because they have the ulterior motive of establishing real friendships with your other friends, whom they are actually interested in.
When this is achieved, they kick you to the curb. Sound familiar? It’s quite common among girl friendships especially when guys come into the picture. In order for them to make a great first impression on the one they really like, the guy first become friends with you, the very “easy and approachable one” and get all the information he needs to make his move. When it clicks, you are sidelined because your purpose has been served and now, you are seemingly insignificant.
Hmmmm…..yeah…..I don’t think I have actually been a duff to others but I do know I have felt like a duff deep inside. How so? Well, I think it was borne more out of low self-esteem. Yea, I was in that rut sometime in my life and trust me it is not a good place to be. I did feel like I had no self-worth and I questioned everything not out of curiosity but out of somewhat “paranoia”. I was struggling to find my purpose and what it is I was supposed to do with my life.
So yeah, I did feel like a duff inside of me. I wasn’t a “go-to” person, but I did question when other people became friends with me. I didn’t see myself worthy of their friendships. This may come out as sort of surprising to some of my friends because on the outside, I did try to be more confident than I felt. I particularly felt like a duff maybe because I didn’t have much to offer in conversations especially when it was way off my forte.
However, all of this changed when I started to see myself in a totally different light. I had a change of perception. I looked at myself one day and I said, “you are a wonderful, amazing, smart and intelligent young lady. It is high time you showed it to the world”. Excelling at various points in my life boosted me even more.
At my last job at a Pharmacy, we did a power point presentation which was the high point of our training and my topic was “Malaria in Pregnancy”. Now, I am naturally shy, have serious stage fright and though I am not a pharmacist but I had done my research, prepared my slides and rehearsed over and over again at home and I was assured I was ready. I wasn’t so sure deep inside though.
That day, in the presence of the management of the company, I boldly and confidently did my presentation and I came out top of my class.
“See?” I said to me “You rock and can do and be anything you want to be. There is no monster that is going to eat you if you choose to come out of your shadows. You are amazing. So live your life, young lady”. I did just that and became the DUFF.
No more cowering in my shadow. I am beautiful and smart and I live as such. I don’t really care what anyone says so long as whatever I am doing is cool with my conscience and God, I am all for it. I broke the chains of low self-esteem and have been living in a superbly amazzzziiiiinnnng freedom.
The thing about been a duff is that it doesn’t even have to be a boy/girl relationship. It happens even in normal friendships. Now do a mental search in your head and scan through your relationships and friendships. How has it been? Have you always been in the shadow of that your “bestie” or are you seen as your own person? Do your friends keep you close because you add value to their lives or do they just “manage” you?
Are you the type to always be on the receiving end but never gives? It must not be of physical resources but of your time, talents, yourself? True and fulfilling friendships are established on the “give and receive” platform. What are you valued for? How do you contribute to the lives of others?
Sweetie, you don’t have to be the duff. Uh uh! No more of that. Brand yourself, be your own person and be the amazing DUFF. Let others seek to be friends with you not because you are rich, proud, arrogant and scary or because you are their ticket to wealth, but instead because you have a wonderful personality. Let others seek you out because they know becoming friends with you would make them better.
Have that sweet aura and charisma around and about you. Wear that beautiful smile always that lights up the world. Let people approach you not because you are the “go-to” person but because you are the one they are actually interested in. You are amazing and have so much to offer. There is nothing more appealing than self-confidence. I can very well say so. Think highly of yourself and others would see you as such.
Your personality is not dependent on your social status. Even if you have not a dime in your pocket, you can still command the respect you deserve. It’s all about your personality and how you want others to see you. Have that special appeal about and around you. Remember, you are beautiful inside and out. Now go out there and be the star that you are.